REVELATION. Chance for Second Life.
I have changed, and the brain has turned into a lazy bastard. Here is the familiar restaurant, a good movie or good sex after dinner, communication with people who understand me well, or a walk along the sea coast in between. It's a slow life, allowing you to feel the taste of your existence. There's nothing wrong with it, and how can you enjoy any moment if you are in an eternal rush?
However, now I have admitted that everything we love is nothing but a step backward. I stopped wasting time and energy on people and things that aren't really important to me. However, the reverse side of the coin was the decline in the flexibility of my mind, and it turned out to be in need of stress and constant training even more than anyone else.
Why would I want any changes? The reason is that the life is a continuous source of transformation. A body won't create anything worthy being completely relaxed and going through slow-paced living. The autopilot is activated: I already know that I'm going to eat, with whom and how I'm going spend the evening, my days are stacked for the next few months, even though I haven't been planning anything for a long time. Having learned my Ego and knowing my exact desires, having learned to listen to an inner voice, I let the little worm grow to an unprecedented size... and the laziness has swallowed me up from the inside.
The nature of the phenomena is still so far from my naïve notions: take something the most reliable, certain, and in some years it will turn to dust and ashes! Just like these or that dispositions determining my choice or behavior have become outdated and are no longer appropriate for the kind of reality I wish for and have created.
I thought I had achieved a certain result, but suddenly my matrix started to ruin. The lesson is so simple and unpleasant that it can crack you up: the century of perfectionism requires complete readiness, even for those of us who are particularly subtle and elegant, and I relaxed having felt the taste of life... I have made a mistake by slowing down.
My own tough individualism threw me into the open sea without the slightest protection, even without a hint of a life ring. The one who managed to come to the surface is alive.
I was lucky. Is it easier now? Partly, but once again I have been convinced: you have to pay back for everything in this world...